Ninja Bear

Yesterday was my 14th wedding anniversary. My gift to my husband was saying “Happy Anniversary” first. Ha! Winning.

Seriously, we have a lot of stuff going on right now. All of these things are fighting over the few waking hours we have. We are still preparing for the MAJOR house construction that starts next week. It is going to be…overwhelming to say the least. Also, I am teaching an art class once a week in September. This is stressing me out, so much pressure. And we are preparing for a family camping trip in the mountains. Doing a dinner or date for our anniversary was far from my mind.

Speaking of this camping trip. I’m a wee bit scared. See there are bears. And while bears look all cuddly I know, as Dave Matthews so eloquently put it, would eat my head like a candy. I recently saw a “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” or maybe it was “I Survived” where a guy was stalked and partially eaten alive in his DRIVEWAY at his mountain home. So….(crickets)….

So instead of devoting much time or energy to our anniversary I have been thinking about bears. A. Lot.

I woke up last night from a dream about bears and then laid on my back thinking about how to fend off a bear. How could I protect my kids from being snacked upon by a bear?

cartoon by me, don't steal it, dammit.

We are primitive camping, no handy outlet or water spigot, surrounded by other campers in their similar square campsite. This is how I have mostly always camped, in a campground where our car is like 5 feet away. No, we will be in a beautiful wooded area or meadow thingy in the safety of our tissue thin tent sleeping with our girls who are notorious for having candy in their pockets and food spilled down their shirts (to a bear that smell like a dinner bell). Also, it’s that time of the month. You know what I mean? So basically, I’m dead.

cartoon by me, don't steal it, dammit.

My husband tried to reassure me by saying his dad, who we are camping with, has camped there many times and has never seen a bear only bear scat. “Well, yes, it’s not the bears I can see that scare me as much as the bears I CAN’T SEE! The NINJA BEARS that come in the night to eat my head and claw at my innards. The RAVENOUS BEAR hiding behind the tree waiting for me to squat to poo and gulps be down whole leaving nary a trace of my former self. THOSE are the bears I worry about.” I said all in one breath.

again, original cartoon by me

His response, “Oh……. but he (his dad) has heard lots of mountain lions in that area.”

my cartoon, don't steal it or I'll send a hungry bear after you

(crickets)….Dammit, something else that can eat me.

Postscript: Our Anniversary consisted of a nice dinner. My hubs picked up huge, yummy steaks and prepared them. I made veggies and a chocolate silk pie that tasted good but was a mess. We talked with the kids about how we met and our wedding. I eve got out our wedding album and was shocked again but what babies we looked like. It was fun and sweet and enough in-light of everything else. Especially death-by-bear.