Dental Hijinks

Part 1
You know how, as a parent, you will do stuff for your kids that you wouldn 't do for yourself? When I was a kid my mom would give us raisins: in the cute little boxes, in muffins and cake, cereal and salad. Yum, thanks mom! All the while she absolutely loathed the shriveled little blobs. We didn't know it, she never let on about her little problem. She just smiled with a grimace as we ate them up.

Skip forward 30 years to me with two kids to a similar issue I have with my kids. But my issue isn't a harmless little, innocent, dried fruit...oh no...it involves teeth and sharp tools and drills... THE DENTIST (insert horror movie scream here).

As much as I detest the dentist, I take my kids to the dentist every six months. They sit in the rainbow colored room, watching cartoons while their teeth are counted and polished. They love the dentist. My 9 year old wants to BE a dentist when she grows up (why does she want to break my heart like that?). All in spite of how much I hate, hate, hate going to the dentist.

It all started when I was a child with teeth that were riddled with cavities. It seemed that my mom was always taking me to the dentist because of my teeth. And boy, what a dentist he was. Overly zealous, sickeningly happy and EXCITED TO SEE YOU TODAY! Even as a child of 7 or 8 I new what a phony baloney he was. And on top of his bullshit personality he drilled holes in my skull for hours at a time.

Do you know what a dental dam is? Most people I know didn't learn about dental dams until sex education...But not me. I had one shoved in my mouth weekly so I wouldn't swallow bits of tooth and the toxic chemicals that they filled holes in with. Huge hands, the taste of latex, hours of pain, aching jaws and Dr. Phony. Quite a combination that led to why to this day I get nauseous even thinking about going to the dentist.

My husband tries to get me to go every few years. In fact I had not gone to the dentist from age 16 to age 24 until my husband insisted I go see his dentist. And you know what that Dr. O'Pain did to me? Do you know how she relieved my fears and calmed my anxieties about the dental profession? She chipped my tooth, that's how. And wouldn't admit her culpability.

So ten years later, hubbie talks me into going again. This dentist takes an x-ray and says I have a cavity. Do I want him to fill it today or come back? Oh, come back, yes, that is what I'll do. I left the office covered in grateful I had a few weeks to worry about going back. But go back I did, a few weeks later, true to my word. And you know what this Ass-hat told me? He said after cleaning my teeth that everything looked great and he would see me in 6 months. "What about that cavity?" I ask. "What cavity? Who told you you had a cavity?"

Really, do you blame me for my lack of love for the dental profession?

to be continued...


  1. I would rather go to the gynocologist than go to the dentist. That is saying a lot.

  2. What a jerk. I gasped when I read the last part. I feel your pain with the dentist. I had the same problems growing up... Although, shamefully, I have yet to take my children. Lucky for yours and mine, pediatric dentists exist.

  3. Oh, I loathe dentists, too but my kids are also happy to go every 6 months. I didn't go for quite a while and ended up needing my wisdom teeth pulled and a root canal- oh joy! At least I got vicodin out of the deal.

  4. Yes, I have NO problem going to the gynecologist (insert dirty comment here) but the dentist is like Satan in a white jacket.


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