Dental Hijinks Part Duo

For the first part of this story lookie here

After my last dentist appointment, the one where he was surprised he had previously told me I had a cavity I decided that maybe that was fate telling me to skip those pesky dentist appointments. But alas, my husband stepped in again, he made me an appointment at his NEW dentist. Grrrr...why, why do you care about my teeth this much? What's wrong with black, moldering teeth, huh? What do you have against them?

After much anticipation the appointment day arrived. I headed down there after flossing really well and rinsing with battery acid Listerine to make sure my teeth "appeared" well taken care of  (I mean, I DO take care of them but don't we all try to give our teeth that extra push before heading to the dentist, as futile as it may be?!). I walk in and I see an old friend from LLL. She warmly greets me and tells me, "Your husband said you were a little nervous, don't be. You will love Dr. ****." Sure, sure I will, he's a dentist, right?

I fill out my paperwork on this fancy computer- I guess technically wasn't "paperwork" then. Anyway, I sat and waited and soon they called me back. There was a little interview process since the 150 questions on the questionnaire didn't give them quite enough info on me.

I won't bore you with the details but a few choice questions were:
Her-"What do you expect out of Dr. **** today?"
Me-Uh, for him not to do procedures on me that I don't need
Her-"Would you rather, if a problem arises, take care of it immediately or wait for it to get worse?"
Me-Well, that is a loaded questions...um....let me think...Insist the doctor cause me pain or wait for God to insist by causing me pain that I go to the dentist? Can I get back to you on that?
She also asks if I am having any problems today? I am thinking, Why don't you tell me? I mean, if I tell you I have a tender spot, that leaves you no choice but to FIND a problem, right? I just said, "no".

She finishes that up and takes me back to get my x-rays. I pass my husband on the way and he gives me a wave while staring at the TV with some Elvis glasses on. Apparently he had warned everyone in the office that I was "nervous", I think they thought I was about to go berserk on them.

After x-rays they took photographs, that lipstick wasn't wasted, after all! For the photos, one front and two profiles-I am sure I had the same kinda fearful face that I would have in a mug shot at the county jail. The hygienist then has me sit in the dreaded chair and hands me two plastic shot-put contraptions. She asks that I insert them in my lips and pull out so she can get a photo of all my teeth. I wish I had asked her to send me a copy of those- I am pretty sure I looked like someone from a Marilyn Manson video (here I found a photo of what I probably looked like).

She counts my teeth, jabs my gums with something that should never touch the tender flesh around said teeth and tells me everything looks good.  Ha! I knew I didn't need to come in!

Then the dentist comes in, I had heard him talking in the other room to my husband (who later told me he asked, "Is there anything you want to tell me about your wife?!") So Dr. **** comes in and introduces himself, staring deeply into my eyes to try to see the "crazy" that might jump out.

He asks about my fear of dentist, I said I had some traumatic experiences as a child. He said my teeth looked good, considering how long I had been away. He talked to me about sedation for dental procedures. My ears perked up! He would give me two pills, one to take in the evening to help me get a good nights sleep and one to take in the morning. Of course, I would need someone to drive me to the appointment and home again.

Wow! Really? That sounds amaaazing. Almost a like a day at the spa. Where do I sign me up! Pills to relax, a chauffeur, sleep, no memory of the dentist. Yes! Finally a dentist that I like.

He leaves the room after making me feel comfortable and the hygentist cleans my teeth. The sucky thing is kinda fun, I need that at home...wait, that sounds weird. And I got to watch Ellen on my own personal TV with headphones! And now, I have these large spaces between my teeth where once there was plaque, I'm thinking of storing spare change in them.

Damn, why did I wait so long.  I can't wait to go back in 6 months...Do they do nails too?

1 comment:

Blog Widget by LinkWithin