Great Googely Moogely

Uh...I may have a hard time writing this...I'm a little traumatized. But blogging is supposed to be cathartic, right? Right?!

So, here's how it started....

Our dog Lafawnda, a sweet, beautiful chocolate lab is in heat. This is her fourth, so we thought, "Hey, let's breed her and have some cute little puppies!" We found a sire (boy stud), right down the street, we made the arrangements and the stud started visiting his new girlfriend.

We waited anxiously as they frolicked around the yard. We peeked out the windows, looked around corners. Nothing. They just ran around the yard, sniffing and peeing.

Then one day last week, Lala seemed really ready (ie: horny). Like reaaallly ready. But the guy, eeh, not so much. He just couldn't do it. We figured he was too old, or heavy or something. We made all kinds of jokes about our hot, little Lala needing to find a real man dog.

So then, about 30 minutes ago I am on the phone with a fund-raising lady having a nice chat. And my husband comes in saying something about the stud coming over. Whatev. Then my husband starts screaming, "He's doing her! He's doing her!" AS I AM ON THE PHONE! I sshhh him and finish the call.

We then proceed to walk around the house peering out windows watching one failed attempt after another. The dog just can't get the job done.

THEN...bum, bum, bum...

Everyone loses, except me, loses interest. I am still checking on them when I hear God awful yelping. I look out and Lala is trying to escape BUT they are "tied" together (if you don't know what that means, google it) and there is no getting away. I begin to panic wanting to help in some way but my husband says to leave them alone but I can't stand to hear her. So I go out. I approach slowly and with a calm voice try to talk to her. I grab her collar and stroke her head. She is still trying to get away and the boy is resigned. He seems to say, "Yea, this ain't no picnic for me either, we'll just have to wait it out."

My husband and niece come out and stare in disbelief from a safe distance. As if my kind of crazy is contagious. I am sure it was quite the scene, dogs butt to butt, me holding one dog bent over at the waist and the boys leg twisted behind him....Uh, can someone bring me a chair?

Dogs can stay tied anywhere from 10 minutes to an HOUR. Great!

So after about 20 minutes, the boy just kinda walks away nonchalantly and great googely moogely...I did NOT need to see that. And then Lala runs away. I gave them water and headed into the house slightly stunned.

Lala and I are both thinking, "This is sooo not worth it!"

I don't know what the other dog is thinking...probably "HU YA!"

Postscript: When I was nearly finished with this diary blog entry I heard the yelping again...you can just reread most of the above to know what happened next.

I am trained as a doula, I can help her birth her pups (I know not the same, I am being a little sarcastic). I am trained as a La Leche League leader, I can help her nurse her pups. But Good God, there is no title for what I just helped her with! Wait, did you ever see that movie The Handmaids Tale?! I am to Lafawnda what Fay Dunaway was to Natasha Richardson in that movie.


  1. oh boy....yeah, not sure I could handle dealing with that either...

  2. Oh my gawd! I was cracking up in a glad-it's-not-me kinda way!

  3. I feel dirty now.

    I don't think I've ever laughed this much before 8am before.


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