Each Thursday after I get off work and stop by the bank and pick up the wild children we go to the grocery store. I get paid on Thursday so by Wednesday night the cupboard is pretty bare. For example, my husband picked up take-out wings for Wednesday night dinner and we ate them all up so my packed lunch for Thursday consisted of about 1.5 oz of Braunschweiger, 10 Ritz crackers, 2 cups of soggy potatoes home fry style (I only choked down about half) and an apple. Yea, it kinda sucked (although the Braunschweiger with a dot of mayo on the crackers was quite tasty).
Did I mention that I am also wearing a boot on my right foot because my plantar fasciitis is flaring up again. The boot helps keep pressure off the bottom of my foot and also forces my toes up slightly giving a nice stretch through the day. But I digress.
I picked up the wild animals from school and we headed to Target. As we were walking in I realized that I had forgotten to put my boot on (I can’t drive with it on) half way across the parking lot. I said, Screw It, in my head and carried on. It felt okay through the short trip through the store. We went back to the car, planning to drive three stores over to get a few more things. I had a brilliant idea (do you hear that sarcasm?) to put the boot on and walk over there. Exercise, kids, that’s what we’ll get!
Boot on, monkeys in tow we walk about 2 city blocks over to the art supply store. We get to the back of said store and as I am staring at the clay selection I start feeling lightheaded and dizzy (remember that crappy, tiny lunch I ate and the Toyota strapped to my leg?). I mention how I feel to my girls, the oldest shows loving concern the youngest continues to run in circles knocking everything off the shelves around us. I continue trying to pick out my supplies in muddled confusion. I am determined if nothing else!
By the time we check out amidst the Cadbury Eggs and Easter Candy (cause you know Easter is like 50 days away or something. In other words, really, really close). The kids start whining they are hungry. I am not hungry but feeling weaker by the moment so I say we will go next door to the dollar store and get snacks.
I ask the helpful, almost-10 year old B to carry the bag as we open the door onto the HOTTEST GOB-SMACKING STORE IN THE UNIVERSE! Do you know how hard it is to pick out cheap snacks when you are lightheaded and weak and over-heated with two Tasmanian devils running amuck? It’s really, really hard (That’s what she said! Zing!). So Z picks out a generic onion ring snack, I get some potato skin thingies, and B gets French fry sticks. We stumble out of the store. I am in a complete daze. The car is like 16 miles away at this point, I am mildly sweaty and trying to choke down this nasty snack to give me some strength. Z, the youngest, says she doesn’t like hers’ so we toss it. She helps me eat mine as we shuffle along. B is getting more concerned about my state of health and asks if I want to walk slower. By now I am speaking in zombie-eeze, “Gah! Glech!”, and dragging my foot like the undead, too.
I am seriously considering asking the many old people I see pulling up the endless curb in their Cadillacs if they will give us a ride to my van...But we just keep going.
FINALLY I see the van, it is glowing and actually making that singing-angels sound. I fall into the open door and begin gulping water and unstrapping the damn boot. The girls are chattering and gobbling up snacks unawares of my condition.
At this point my phone beeps and I am hoping it is my husband texting me so I can whine about how bad I feel. I pull the phone out as I try to remember how to spell “HELP” and look at it. An unknown number has texted “Hi!”. I text, “Who dis is?” thinking it will be my niece. “This is C***n”...Oh. I hold the phone towards the back seat and say, “It’s for you, Z.” Her little friend from school is texting her.
Perfect. My 7 year old is texting her boy-friend. Isn’t this supposed to start in about 4-5 years?
Epilogue: We stopped at the grocery store AFTER all that and got a handful of groceries to make dinner (it was either that or eat dog food). And DAMN was it a good dinner. Once I recovered with a cup of Cashua Coffee and some rest, I sent the kids out to run laps around the neighborhood. Then I got busy making the most ri-donkey-licious Coconut Chicken Bites in the whole world!!! I am not kidding you!!! You are going to die when you try these...Recipe to follow soon...