Got My Ta Ta's Squished

I went to have my first mammogram today. I admit I was dreading it a little. You know, all these images of vices, tender flesh running through my head...and then while I am filling out my forms at the hospital I see a note on the bottom on one that says "If patient received a tear during mammogram...mark on this diagram." What?!?! I felt a little sick. And I had to pee. But I didn't want to be in the bathroom, where was the bathroom anyway, when they called me. So sick and with a full bladder I went to sit and wait.

They called me back, I was expecting more waiting sans clothes, but a lady showed me into a little room, asked me to get undressed from the pants up (Shouldn't you buy me dinner first?) and put on the hideous gown. Then I sat in a freezing cold room naked but for a thin swath of material for a moment. The lady, Sharon, came back in, she was very friendly and chatty but without being obnoxious. I was nervous and a little disoriented (I might have taken a tiny cat nap in the car) and mostly nude. Sharon told me to forget all I had heard about mammograms, they had a new machine with padding and it would be over before I knew it.

As I stood there vulnerable and nude, Sharon confidently grabbed my ta ta and threw it up on the machine.  As she asked me friendly questions she continued to handle me in a way that I usually reserve for people I am married to. And she was so personable the whole time it was like she was measuring me for a bridesmaid dress instead of pulling and stretching my mammaries in unique and weird ways.

Then she was done. She reassured me about mammograms, my family history and that my doctor would get the results soon. It was all short and painless.

Have you had your mammogram today?